Some lessons from the past...

I'm a beloved and loving husband, a father of two, a software engineer, a self-taught guy who never did get along with institutions of any sort - be they religion, schools, or any other authoritarian top-down system.

I spent my early childhood as a military brat, spending two years in Taiwan, then two more in Wiesbaden Germany, after which my parents divorced, we moved to Albuquerque NM, where I spent the rest of my childhood & teenage years coming of age in a bizarre subculture that has produced some of the most interesting people I know. Alb. had a lot of drugs, parties, rich kids throwing parties in their parents homes when the parents were away - cops showing up, everyone running for the hills. Fist fights were common. Hispanic / White racial tensions were common - with the whites owning & controlling the best parts of the city, and the hispanics and native americans being mostly relegated to the older, more run-down parts. Lots of crime, shootings, alcohol poisoning, meth, LSD, ganja.

Probably because I was a nerd, never fit in socially anywhere really, I've always had an affinity for those who are picked on in the world. I spent a lot of my time in elementary school running from bullies, or being humiliated. Middle school was less physical abuse, but more humiliation. High schools were just a joke which I eventually realized I could just GED my way out.

Computers were my saving grace. I just understood them, and found an easy passion for them - something I could master and then make easier for all people to use. Sadly, they're only marginally easier to use with endless failures to really make them great - just okay enough, and on to the next "shiny" thing.

The past ten years or so I've become a regular FB presence - learning a great deal about systemic racism, the difference between bigotry and systemic racism, and have watched as black/native/mentally ill person after person has been shot or strangled or beaten to death over and over and over.

I've become aware of the endless failures of democrats to seize the day and put their efforts where their mouth is - leading me - and many of you - to realize that they don't walk the walk - they're just blowing hot air up our collective asses. I used to make excuses - I used to know that it was tough fighting the forces of the republicans - I used to understand that approximately 50% of the electorate was of a kind of person that believed that people didn't deserve help - that success was an indication of moral fiber, or maybe a reflection of divine will - that believed to their very core that bad things only happened to bad people (unless it was themselves or a personal relation - and maybe not even then).

I used to laugh and shake my head at those loony folks on FB who claimed that both parties were really two sides of the exact same coin. "Can't you see the massive differences in what they each want?!" "How can you say that those who want to deprive women of choice are the same as those fighting for women's health?!"

But as time has passed - 10 years! - I noticed more and more that given the opportunity - democrats didn't actually fight. They did a few token gestures here and there - but mostly they just waited and waited and then jumped in on something good - a groundswell - and claimed credit for it without ever having risked themselves at all - without ever having really lent a hand at all. LGBTQ - marriage equality - being "People's evidence #1" - with Hillary (as one example amongst myriad other democrats) pushing for DADT, and then switching only after the public momentum was massively on the side of marriage equality.

I've watched as organizations that claim to stand for people have cynically sucked down millions - tens of millions - hundreds of millions in well-intentioned donations to help our fellow brothers and sisters - and then use the money for political influence or personal gains. The Red Cross - for god's sake - taking hundred million plus dollars sent to help Haitians rebuild after that horrific string of earthquakes killed thousands and left many thousands without homes - crumbled and ruined - built three (3) total homes with that money.

I've watched as my fellow self-labeled "democrats" and "liberals" ignored such information and/or actively made excuses. "It's the republicans' fault!" "What can we do, it's just the way the cookie crumbles!" "Na na na na I'm not listening to you crazy-pants because I need to believe in democrats / liberals and what you're saying undermines my faith and makes me feel yucky!"

I've watched as Bernie Sanders - easily the best progressive voice in our federal government - did the insanely unlikely thing of throwing his hat in the ring - and then watching with giddy excitement as Americans - ordinary middle of the road fellow Americans responded to his message of "enough is enough!" - of simple truth - the oligarchs run this nation and both parties have failed the American people utterly.

And then, I watched as those same "democrats" and "liberals" balked at taking a chance on a good human being for the "safety" of a rotten and corrupt one.

I watched them refuse to learn about Bernie. I watched as they rejected facts that exposed Hillary as a syndicated crime boss.

I watched them as they twisted everything to fit their preconceived worldview of "democrats/liberals are the 'good team[tm]"

I was bitter at republicans for cynically manipulating their followers desires and prejudices to gain power and serve the oligarchy - devastating the middle class in America - robbing us of our only real wealth (our homes) - only to watch as the democrats did the same to their liberal followers and those same people fall into the equivalent traps - their prejudices stoked against Trump to fever levels - unable to - or unwilling to - do any self-examination, and honest conversations about Hillary's public and undisputed record from her political history.

This has made me deeply - deeply cynical and angry towards "democrats / liberals".

I have had to rethink my ideas time and again on this journey. I've had to peel back my own defenses, ruthlessly look at some of my biases in a cold hard mirror of honesty - and own my own biases, my own bigotries.

And this isn't a one and done sort of thing. I have to keep on doing this work. I Have to keep on confronting the truth of America as it continues to lynch marginalized peoples - blacks, hispanics, natives, homeless, poor, the mentally ill.

I have to have my beautiful vision of America as a great experiment in democracy - in freedom of choice - of social justice and equality - ripped apart - piece by piece by horrible undeniable piece.

I've had to learn that we've assassinated or overthrown hundreds of lawfully elected democratic leaders all over this world in favor of military juntas and evil dictators that we use as our lap dogs; controlling the natural bounty of these nations - ruthlessly stripping anything of value that we possibly can in exchange for bribing a very very few at the top, and murdering and destroying the livelihoods and literally committing genocide against millions more in the name of American Exceptionalism and Global Hegemony (often euphemized as "Free Trade").

I've watched as democrats and their "liberal" rank and file have promoted and instituted policies that have gutted our once preeminent manufacturing sector - turning our nation from the envy of the world with good paying jobs, job security, and solid benefits into another third-world ghetto full of (righteously) angry and pitiful people - homeless, jobless, destitute, and scrambling to find anything - anything at all - to hold on to to feed themselves or take care of their children.

I've watched as multiple election cycles have come and gone with this undercurrent of a gutted, betrayed, sold-out middle class and working-class in America continued to be - mocked - ignored - despised - sneered at by democrats and their "liberal" followers.

I've watched as an endless parade of political analysts have pointed out this failing in the democrats - only to have most democrats just ignore it - grab on to the themes of "conservatives are to blame!" and "conservatives aren't really even human - they're horrible, hateful people who hate blacks and all immigrants" - while never once being willing themselves to stop this tape - stop listening to this propaganda - this easy othering - this easy excuse for what's going on - this easy avoidance of any personal responsibility at all.

This election cycle I've finally come to realize that liberals are literally the biggest obstacle to social and political progress in this nation.

Those I thought of as noble people who most wanted to help the world for the better are in fact the most insidious at ensuring no change can be made. Bernie robbed in plain view with concrete evidence of wrongdoing (morally, if not technically) - to a resounding - overwhelming - chorus of "meh."

I'm sadder than I know how to be sad.
I'm more worried than I know how to be worried.
I'm angrier than I Know how to be angry.

If my fellow human beings are more wedded to the illusion of goodness - than the reality of it - then I simply do not believe we have any chance of righting this ship.

There are dire - dire warning signs in every direction we're headed:
Global thermonuclear war.
Corptocracy with people as commodities to be used and discarded at whim of profits.
Global warming causing global crop failures and famine and the collapse of civilization with massive die-back of the human race.
Global warming to the extent of 90+ die back of all species - almost absolutely guaranteeing the complete eradication of Homo Sapiens.
Peak oil causing the rapid contraction of the entire global economy - sending every nation on earth into internal strife of proportions none of us has ever even had a nightmare about.

Americans are like the courtiers of King Louis the Sun God. We're all hanging on to the coattails of the royalty and hoping we'll be okay as long as our Kings and Queens of industry continue to be the top dogs of this planet - and we pretend we're "good people" by doing various "good deeds" - but fundamentally failing to be honest about our complicity in a global nightmare from which we derive our sustenance at the suffering of millions of our brothers and sisters - our equals - people who by rights should be our friends - our global neighbors - our kin.

We continue the legacy of slavery by globally impoverishing everyone else so long as we're the "winners" - the future - including our own children - and the millions of children all over this world digging with their bare hands for rare minerals needed for our iPhones or whatever latest geegaw that distracts us and entertains us and lets us explore the exploits of being the pinnacle nation at this time in history. We are #1. We are the best. We are Americans.

If I could cry a tear for every wrong we do in the name of business and American Interests - just on this one day alone - I would exhaust a million bodies of tears. I'd drown my entire community in the salty reality of pain that we inflict - mostly mindlessly - on the less fortunate.

I know that each individual American is trying to be a good person - and very likely believes themselves to be a good person. And I don't mean to detract from the many wonderful deeds people individually do to try to make this world a better place.

But if we cannot stop with the lies - the self-deception - the intellectual dishonesty and squeamishness - we're all - absolutely - on a path to self-annihilation - to global catastrophes - plural.

Every indicator is that we have only a little time left to do something about all of this. Global warming, global famine, global war.

The only silver lining that I am aware of is that matters of the heart - are irreducibly intertwined with matters of the state.

We must - and we can - learn to prioritize the well being of humans over "markets" or "profits" or "nations" or "religions".

We could be a great people - we Humans of Earth. If we'd but let go of our fears of scarcity, our fears of being ordinary - our fears of each other - and embraced our truth of oneness and similarity and frailty and join together to love. All for one, and one for all. It is our only hope.

Namaste.